This post has been read and approved by the British Censor Board and been passed with a rating of 12A (contains sections of swearing)

OK, fresh back from Disneyland Paris, exhasuted & feeling quite zazzed out.

We have been to DLRP before - a couple of day trips whilst staying with family in Paris, and then we took Oliver for a few days three years ago.  This time we were greedy and went for 4 days and a big hotel, and boy, let me tell you - it was a good 1.5 days too much (for me and Mark anyhow). 

Here are my top 5 of the good, the bad and the downright ugly:

Good:
1. Oliver's joy and the general feeling of excitement you get walking through the gates on the first day & the Disney 'magic' - the feeling of 'unreality' about the place - they go a long way to preserve the image of being in a fantasy world, and the staff are relentlessly cheerful
2. The view from our hotel room (at an extra £100 thank you very much)
3.  The Hollywood Towers Hotel ride - a 12 floor plummet spooky sort of thing, which I had to go on by myself.  Oliver refused after the first go and Mark - well, just refused really.
4. Being able to have breakfast in the park and go on some rides before they open to the great unwashed.
5. Going into the park after dark - very atmospheric and less busy

Bad:
1. The Pirates of the Caribbean ride was closed for annual maintenance.  (some very bad swearing was put to use when I found this out)
2. The relentless music - twinkly and just a bit much in the park - deafening and headache-inducing in the studios.
3. The crowds - haven't people got fucking homes to go to???
4. Did I mention the crowds?  I ask you - where's my advantage of home teaching and taking holidays out of season when the world and his wife also turn up with their minnie mouse dressed brats in tow?  Harsh - but fair I think - you haven't had to stand in line (lots of them) with the little squallers for a week.
5. The weather - it was sunny.  Nuff said. 

The ugly:
1.  Queues.  And more queues.  In fact, this whole holiday was based around the national sport of queuing.  Now, I have no issue, per se, with a queue.  In fact, I think they are a very fair and civilised way of getting dealt with on the whole - and I understand that queues are a necessary evil of the theme park genre, but fuck me, you queue for breakfast, queue to get in the park, queue to go on anything at all for inordinate amounts of time, queue for lunch, queue for dinner - you get the picture....but the only thing I didn't have to queue for was the ladies - which is the only fucking thing that I do queue for in England!!!!  Incroyable.  I have come away from Disneyland feeling that I have unwittingly donated a large section of my lifespan to them.
2. Smokers.  Bastards.  I do not see why I should smoke just because they do - and boy, if people smoke - they don't give a shit about sharing their stinking, poisonous fumes with any other poor sucker forced to endure their 200 yard radius.  Fuckers.
3. Badly behaved children.  Or rather, their drippy and ineffective parents.  Disney seems to bring out the devil in children - clearly it is their given right to howl at the top of their voices when things don't go their way in the land of milk and honey.  And clearly there is some unwritten parental rule that there is a general exemption from responsibility for any tantrum for the duration of your stay, and you can therefore safely ignore your red faced screaming brat indefinitely.  Brilliant.
4. Food - shite, overpriced and shockingly samey.  Mark is a vegetarian.  Yep, I agree - his choice and sometimes you've got to just get what you're given, but this place is seriously behind the times for the veggie.  Even getting hold of a cheese baguette proved too elusive - and interestingly I saw a fish course or two within the green 'V; section in a couple of places....
5. Well overpriced merchandise.  £10 for a mug is unnecessary, £15 for a kids t-shirt is unlawful. 

So, in short - if you have small children who like dressing up in glitzy ill-fitting costumes and are given to throwing a paddy for no apparent reason, and you have several hundred euros kicking about to spend on second rate 'food' (and I use the term loosely here), and you like endless crowds, noise and fag smoke, then this truly is the holiday for you.  If not - then grit your teeth, open your wallet and take a crash course in tolerating the general public like I did. (!)

All jokes aside - there were some great high points on this holiday - mostly Oliver's happiness.  And that, as they say, is priceless.

Piccies:





Inside the Hollywood Tower Hotel (lift plummet ride - cool)





Buzz Lightyear Laser Blast ride




on the Toy Story Parachute drop ride



Me and Oliver heading down Main Street early morning



Main Street at night



didn't go on this but it's a nice pic



Ignore the unfortunate growth from Mark's head





walking in, first day



Oliver and our hotel in the background

 

Toy Story Parachute drop ride





Big Thunder Mountain