This morning I trundled along to Sainsburys to check the tyre pressures on the car. I know. I do this, but it should be a boy's job as it involves bending down in an ungainly fashion in front of people to squat at dirty tyres and fumble about with dirty dust caps whilst wrestling an ugly dance around the car with a rubber hose. Anyhoo, this done, Oliver asked if we could go in the car wash. I feebly argued no - a dirty car is the least of my worries in the big picture of things, but gave in as I just couldn't be arsed to eventually be forced to have to do it manually myself and went off to purchase said wash.
When I came out, about two and a half minutes later, a queue of three cars had formed behind me (where there was previously none in sight) and a man (we'll call him Mr Peeves, and as he was older than me we'll call him Old Mr Peeves) was waiting by my car to inform me, in no uncertain terms, that I could have moved out of the way whilst I went into the kiosk, and I was inconsiderate blah blah blah, to which I took exception.
Firstly, this is a garage which lacks 'pull over space' as it is set into a 'bowl' with one narrow way in - and one narrow way out. Secondly, there was no-one waiting behind me when I went in to the kiosk, and thirdly - WTF??! I was stunned that he thought it OK to get out of his car and confront me in such a manner when what I had 'done' was pretty innocuous. So I waved my arms about and yelled a bit, temper rising by the second, and when he carried on moaning, complaining and gesticulating, I yelled 'oh bugger off' at the top of my voice, got in the car and slammed the door. Then, seeing poor Oliver's astonished and upset face it occurred to me the man may have spoken to him through the open car windows before I had got back. He confirmed that the man did, in fact ask where I was. My rage went stellar. I leapt out of the car, marched over yelling 'hey - hey - HEY - did you SPEAK to my child???????' He got out of the car spluttering confirmation. I was so incensed I screeched 'don't you speak to my child - DON'T you speak to my child how DARE you - you do NOT speak to him!' It was very loud, there was much angry finger pointing, and a red mist.
Gawd almighty.
It was not one of my finer moments.
I am very disappointed with myself. I am angry with Old Mr Peeves, because I don't really think I did anything unreasonable enough to warrant a face-to-face ticking off, but I am so upset at how badly I expressed myself, and I don't think I did Oliver any favours at all flying off the handle like that. I truly gave no thought to anyone or anything other than venting the overwhelming anger that I felt.
In summary: Could do better.
I sometimes have to stop and engage my brain and then speak.
ReplyDeletea skill I sadly lack.
DeleteWell done! :)
ReplyDeletenot really, I am left deflated and defeated.
DeleteSo sorry you got cornered with unpleasantness. Don't worry about it. There are limits to "chewing feathers" as my father-in-law puts it ie swallowing meekly other people's unpleasantness. Even the old turning the other cheek thing in the Bible turns out to be a form of non-aggressive confrontation not just being a doormat when people take advantage. And I am not sure old Mr Peeves would have backed down if you'd been all sweet and conciliatory anyway. The thought occurs, would he have said what he did if you had been a man? I think not. I am not a rabid feminist but there are times when I can feel militancy calling!! Hope you 've had a nice evening to compensate for a trying day! E x
ReplyDeleteI did wonder if he would have challenged another male - maybe as apparently he had asked Oliver where his Dad was, so he was obviously up for it anyway...
DeleteI am from an era where confronting women seems a bit wrong - questioning a child alone in a car more so. He is from an era where you could still clip kids round the ear in the street for backchat. (I partly agree with this too, ha ha - you see, my hypocrisy shines forth!)
x
Col says Disagree.. people like this may just think twice if someone shows them that it's not necessary or acceptable.. 10 out of 10.. you didn't start it, but hey, you finished it.. good on ya xx
ReplyDeleteWish I'd just gone along the route of 'hey, don't get all bent out of shape man' and shown clear amusement at his behaviour. But, no. I went all hissy and spitty and not good.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid to say I would probably reacted just the same way and be feeling just like you are now :( but at the end of the day, where was the harm, could he not wait!!! But to approach a child - nah not on. Don't dwell on it. :) x
ReplyDeleteyeah, that's the bit that sent me over the edge...
ReplyDeleteWhat is wrong with people...don't they know how to wait and chill a bit. Totally agree with your reaction, especially as he spoke to your child....that would have made me see red. I'm a reasonably calm person, but when people, unreasonably, take it upon themselves to tell me what to do/how to behave I find it hard to remain reasonable myself. Not good I know, but we are what we are. Your son knows you well, and although we don't want our children to see us behaving in this way, it sometimes happens. It may encourage him to defend himself against the equally snotty people he will encounter in life.
ReplyDeletehey, thanks Jacqui.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, my son does know me well, but not always a good thing as I think he had a pretty good idea before I even returned to the car that it was a 'blow your stack' moment. Probably this was what was causing his worried face in the first place.... sigh.
I think this is just another example of how fairly trivial incidents make some of us blow up in anger. I also think it's symptomatic of the pressure we are all under and how things can get on top of us very quickly.
ReplyDeleteIf you'd heard me a few weeks ago when I went shopping with a friend and the three 'rows' I had with staff and customers in the restaurant in a small department store, you'd think I'd gone mad! Peoples' attitude in general just makes me cross but this could be a sign of getting old! I can't always ignore things and although not very confrontational normally, sometimes I snap! People are so rude and so arrogant and seem to think the world is there for them alone.
Don't beat yourself up. It happens to all of us!
I would love to say I have got worse over the years, but I have always been a bit on the edge anyway.
ReplyDeleteHowever, with age I am definitely getting worse at letting ANYTHING go. My gander is well and truly up about 95% of the time!