3rd & 4th

3rd DEC:

Oliver attended his monthly Pokemon TGC tournament today, so in the spare four hours we had,  Mark and I headed off to Sidmouth for a little jaunt.  Our jaunts usually include many charity shops, grub in the cheapest caff we can find and Mark tutting and sighing as I try to skulk off into yarn shops, antique shops or shops full of beautiful things I cannot afford.  So you see, we do live the high life.

Today was a good jaunt.  We picked up:
- The Game Of Life £3.99 (we already have the electronic version but my GOODNESS the moaning Mark does when we play it is not worth the hassle, and he has long hankered after the olde worlde version)
- 2 recipe mags 45p
- pre cut paper chain strips (printed on both sides with festive piccies) £3.99
- Festive fridge magnets to make from plaster of paris. This is a loathsome craft to do, but Oliver will enjoy it and it was only £1.50 new.
- The Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady £1.50 (always wanted a copy)

We had lunch in the White Horse Cafe - a very good value and nice clean caff which we have been to several times before.  We were too late for breakfast - quelle horreur!! so we sulkily plumped for egg, chips and peas and a latte each.  When it arrived, I was truly horrified to find that 'peas' meant mushy peas.  Mushy. Peas.  OMG.  Since when have 'peas' on any menu EVER translated to mushy peas.  I have never had them, as to me, they are the work of the devil, but I have to confess my friends, after some very suspicious pokings with a knife and a tentative curled lipped lick, I realised they were really tasty.  Can you adam and eve it.  I am converted. 

I also got a yearning for a Christmas mug.  I have seen Christmas mugs on other people's blogs, and decided that I must have one, being easily swayed, as I am.

Saw a very nice one in a posh shop, which turned out to be £16(!)  I would expect a set of 4 for that price, so my search continued.  I have ended up with a mug from inauspicious Sainsburys, which cost £1.66 and makes me feel very festive - and crafty, for some reason.

4th DEC:

Mark's birthday.  We are going to go to River Cottage canteen (a la Hugh F-W) next weekend for his celebratory birthday meal, and so today was a handing over of some lame presents such as liqueur chocs and more chocs.  Mark is incredibly difficult to buy for.  Since we were going to 'do' his birthday next weekend, I planned on another week to gather together some more tasteful gifts, but it's all gone a bit t*** up.  On the bright side, I found where I had gone wrong in my crochet ripply blanket and got to use my new shade of burnt orange.  Does life get any more funner than this?

On Saturday, I had a phone call from the family who took Harvey in last Saturday.  She said he has settled in really well, and they would love to keep him.  This is a genuine relief to me - a) because I felt reassured by her voice and words that all actually is well and he is not pining, and b) the stress level in the house this week is noticeably lower.  I still feel a tinge of sadness, but I know this will fade, and I am edging happily towards the sure knowledge that it was the right thing to do by him.

Here is the little pooch on the last walk I took him on. (sob)

pockets of sadness and a creeping of yuletide cheer

Still feeling pinches of deep sadness.  Thank you for the kind comments on my last post - that's really nice. 
Today I am going to start Christmas.  I don't feel very Christmassy - largely due to feeling bloody miserable I suspect, but Oliver has his Cubs Carol Service tonight (early this year) and he has a reading to do.  This is very exciting for me, being that type of proud parent, and he will also be receiving his cub silver award from the district commissioner (who?!), which he doesn't know about - so he will be extra chuffed.  So, because of the inevitable singing with joyful voice tonight, and because Mark chucked down the Christmas decs from the loft at the weekend, today the tree will go up and we will have crossed the threshold of Yuletide blessings....

Even though I am two days earlier than normal, and this is waayyy ahead of the rest of my friends,  romans and countrymen, Julia 'I can't be doing with Christmas' Pollard has stolen a march on me and been and gone and Started.  Christmas.  First.  Wow.  Get her mantlepiece.  I am, of course, jealous.  I have no mantlepiece at all. Sniff.

I can't even blog you a pic of the finished decs later, as we have a new computer following last week's minor explosion of compu-innards and Lordy knows how to cyber-transfer pics from my memory card into this baby.  No doubt Mark will know, if I can persuade him to assist.  He hates my bloggy love affair - he blames it for the demise of the last computer.

I have taken the plunge after years of being a bit scared of it - and taken my first steps towards joining the local WI.  Oh yes - I shall be knitting macrame baskets from my knickers before you can say 'pass me the pinking shears Marjorie.... '  An update on that after Thursday.

And this morning I have 'done my roots' and I think that this particular (crap) brand has just dyed the rest of my hair the same colour as the roots, and not the other way round.  Why I am even surprised at this eventuality I really don't know.  You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.  Bet I will be able to macrame a basket from knickers soon though tee hee.

Don't it always seem to go

that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.
About 18 months ago we adopted Harvey the Jack Russell from the Blue Cross.  I have never had a dog, and was quite unprepared for the adjustments I personally needed to make in order for him to fit into our lives.  He attached himself to me as his 'person' and I felt stifled and irritated with him most of the time.  He was a tie and an emotional and physical responsibility I reached screaming point with many times. The stress level I was feeling and subsequently passing onto Mark and Oliver was something I realised we could not live with indefinitely, and so yesterday, we took him to his new home - a nice family who live in Newton Abbot.

This has been a completely horrible weekend.  I never believed that that bloody dog could be so missed by his absence.  All he ever wanted was to love, and to be loved, and I fell way short of the standard.  I failed him.  My misery is compounded by the unhappiness Mark clearly feels, and the sudden waves of sadness and tears are feelings of grief, which I never expected to experience.  I thought of him as the bane of my life, when the reality was, he was a loving part of it which I stupidly took for granted.

I used to think of all the things I could do if I didn't have Harvey.  Now I am just consumed by the pain of all the things I will never do again because I don't have him. 

Such regret.  So sorry.