Bloody bloody bank, being ill and crochet

Despite two more lengthy sessions on the phone this morning with the bank, I still had access denied.  Towards the end of the second call when I was told to take my passport into my local branch, I got a bit shrill and spitty. 

I went into town.  With freshly laundered hair and wearing my scraggy jeans, casual pumps, layered tops and toning scarf, I felt fairly trendy and confident.  When 'Natasha' toddled out to deal with me I instantly felt like Corporal Clott.  Natasha was a skinny minnie with a skirt so tight and heels so high that she took six strides to my one.  Her french-manicured nails made me want to childishly sit on my hands, and her platinum and diamond engagement ring was so sparkly I wanted to say 'is that real??'   But I got a grip of myself and instead focused on her scary red lipstick as a point of reference. 

I had to sit in the branch, on the phone, for 26 minutes whilst my new bestie in Liverpool, Daniel, unblocked my account in every conceivable form.  During this time Natasha, obviously bored with watching me sit wordlessly staring at her desk and clutching the phone,  carried on tippety-typing away on her homework some other banky stuff.  I was pretty bored myself and so started up a conversation with Oliver about what we would have for tea, and then shortly after this, Oliver had an uncontrollable and embarrassing fit of the giggles and I spent a good five minutes apologising for his apparent unfounded mirth.  Oh what fun we do have.

I feel quite traumatised by the bank debacle.  I am particularly sick to death of being told by every employee  how great it is that their security is so tight.  I think they are fascist zealots and their idea of protection is on a par with imprisonment. 

By the evening, I felt very, very down.  I am (hopefully) at the tail end of a bladder infection, and I have been on antibiotics for a few days.  The whole episode made me feel quite ill, and uncharacteristically weepy.  By last night (oh the terror of night creeping in on an unsteady mind) I had managed to convince myself that the bladder infection had not gone, manifested itself into a kidney infection and I would be in great pain and on dialysis by morning.  Being ill does bad things to my mental state.  I cannot cope.  I am so afraid of feeling 'not right' that I sink into a big funk almost instantly and am overwhelmed with despair and fear.  I can handle a streaming cold in it's various guises, and am pretty good at overcoming sore throats, but any nausea, headaches, stomach pain of any sort or - heaven forbid - vomiting has me bordering on panic.  It does worry me, and moreover, it upsets me terribly that this huge weakness impacts on my poor boy.  He found me snivelling on Wednesday morning and it upset him.  I rarely cry in front of him and I had to confess that I felt ill, and that I'm just 'not very good at being ill'.  Maybe it's a skill to be mastered. 

Today I woke up imagining that I would have to slot in a visit to the hospital (I know, I know - the drama queen tag is not lost on me), but as the day has mooched on, I have to admit to myself I feel 'better'.  I certainly do not feel the despair or fear as I did last night, nor the nausea (which was probably of my own making anyway).

This has cheered me enormously.  I did spend some time in my angst reading up about Bach Flower remedies (which I have some faith in, it has to be said) and I reckon a good dose of Mimulus would be the way to go.  Anyone have any experience in these matters??

Mooooving on - I have been working on a blanket project (who of us crochet geeks are NOT working on a blanket perennially??) and here is progress to date;

It is for Oliver - a 'lap blanket' to carry about from room to room which he requested.  I do really like this although I always shudder a bit at the way the join in the circles is so obvious.  I think it will need blocking, and I need about four more squares.

When this is finished, (or whenever the new yarn turns up, whichever is sooner heh heh) I intend to start a Me Blanket. Although the end product is not intended specifically 'for me', the making of it is intended to be an indulgence 'for me'. This will be made with lovely posh yarn and in colours unlike any others I have used. I have ordered my yarn today (be still my beating heart) from Hannah, and it is Debbie Bliss (I know) Eco-Baby yarn in lovely muted shades.

I have also finished my stripey 'random' scarf, which looks like a bit of a tangle of wool around my neck, but it is the remnants of my Christmas Ripple, and is soft, baby wool.  Luverly.  And I am quite torn with the word stripey - with or without an 'e'?  Without I read it in my head as 'strippy', but I have a sense that with it is wrong.  And I don't trust spell check.